Today Is My Birthday

Today is my 49th birthday and aside from work, I will be spending this evening with most of my children. I have two little ones but most of my children are grown and some starting their own life.

There comes a time in a man’s life when reflection is something that just happens. It’s nothing you look for or search out, you will be sitting there during your free time, and the thought will come to you. For me, the subject matter varies from pride in what you have done, the accomplishments you have achieved, or sometimes, regrets.

We all live through our experiences and either learn from them or not. I hope I can say I have learned from my mistakes and I have made plenty of them. But they love me anyway. They accept me for who I am and what I stand for. I think I can say the truth, honestly, integrity. Those are probably in the top five. I think my children can see those in me. Pride comes from what your family and friends see in you.

So, thank you ahead of time for your well wishes.

When Does the Caterpillar Become the Butterfly?

In reading other blogs, I read that torture can be a good thing or very bad depending on the mindset of both the inflictor and the afflicted. I chose this topic because I have had any personal experience but because there can be more types than just the physical type commonly known. So many of us deal with our own mental torture daily and just want to get through what some consider daily life while others consider the torture of the mind. The onslaught of the ideas that are forced upon us by the media, the contacts around us and by some who would be considered strangers to us.

Tortured thoughts and tortured memories of times when things seemed simpler. Things that happened and things that were said to us that molded us into the sometimes more cynical than we were before.

Tortured times when we thought as babes that believed we would never get through it. But did. And are somewhat better for it because when we can change the bad things that happen to us into a positive experience, one we learn from, this is what personal growth and development earns us. It gives us the power to take a “bad” experience and make us better for it. It lets us know this, this is what we need to do in those cases. And who to trust, what to do and how to act.

I wasn’t there. But I can know through somewhat similar experiences what was attempting to be changed and what was said in the grips of the most important time in someone else’s life. Make it your own. Take from that experience and instead of torture, it is the best that could have happened. The student sometimes becomes the teacher. In other cases, for some, that transformation never comes. The experiences and the tortured times in ones life that are transformative..It begs the question..Where is the transformation? When does the caterpillar become the butterfly? Only you can know that.

Timothy McEntee

As a group or as individuals, what we think and as a result what we do make us who we are. Will Ashli Babbitt, 35 be remembered as a patriot or a simple girl used as a pawn in a political riot and a siege of the Capital Building Wednesday. “She had a big head and a strong mind.” Tim McEntee She was a veteran who defended this country against foreign actors in Afghanistan. God bless her family. This was her way of speaking out. Of doing what she thought was right! Could that have been any of us? But how will history paint her picture? I wonder if this patriot [ Babbitt] will be seen as a patriot or a traitor as some are painting Vice President Pence and President Trump. I will not offer an opinion. Not because I will not stand on one side or another but because I believe this country and our democracy is worth defending. And to write disparaging remarks, even if true in some cases, would not be defending the constitution. I was not honored by serving like Babbitt did. I would have if called. I never was. We will have to watch how the annals of history record this event. It is a story we will remember. One we will pass onto our grandchildren. And for some, were involved in. I have already praised those who we defending our great nation, it’s traditions and the votes those on the outside were trying to change?? I ask. What was the ultimate goal of those actors. When Vice President Pence took office, he promised to defend the constitution of the United States and by confirming the vote, he did his duty.

Oliver Contreras The Washington Post

Thank you again to those that did their duty for me, a voter. Thank you for trying to defend the great halls in Washington and to those that thought to grab the box containing the votes from the college, I thank you as well.

My Last Day With Her

She called me on the phone. “Hi” she said. She sounded frail, weak, more so than usual. I began wondering when she would fight this disease. She was stuck on the idea of holistic medicine and it’s benefits. That is what she used in the fight with this scourge she calls Cancer. She tried selling me on holistic medicine once. We just agreed to disagree. Both of my siblings were sold, but there is something to say for modern science. “Can you come up to my house? I want to talk to you.” She said it a questioning way, not punitive. At my age the days of her scolding me were over. She needed me, now. She had for years since she was first diagnosed.

“Ya.”I said. “I will be there in a few.” I said. It was late in the evening. It was weird she was calling me this late. Usually she was getting ready for bed. My Mother. Strong and strong willed my entire life. Now only sixty seven. But older physically than many people in their seventies I know. Cancer had taken its toll. She had fought it off twice but this time..this time, she had decided not to do the surgery suggested by her doctor. She was repulsed at the idea of a tracheostomy. She decided this was the last time. She would live out the time she had in relative comfort at home. She did what she could physically. She tried to keep up with the cleaning but, couldn’t. My sister and me, we were local and we went up at least once a week to clean for her.

This wasn’t that kind of conversation. I wondered what was up all the way up in my car. When I got there, I opened the door and expected her to be in bed at nine o’clock. I walked to the back of the house. My sister, Shannon was in bed with her. Shannon was dressed and there were tears in her eyes. They were holding hands. I asked “What’s up?”

She paused a second to collect her thoughts before she began. She recounted her ordeal and her journey with the fight against Cancer.

Mom with my son

“Michael, you know I made the decision against the tracheotomy. I shook my head yes recounting the conversation in her living room. “Well, I am dying, Michael.” She said. I didn’t know why she said that. Stating the obvious was not her thing. It turned out the cancer was in her brain at this point. “Michael, I want your permission to go.”she said. I mean, she said it like she was getting on a train tonight.

“I want your permission to go home” she said it in those exact words. I can hear her saying this as if it were yesterday. 2016 seems like a lifetime ago. I still see her, hear her, feel her. She is still in my life even though she went home four years ago now. Of coarse I gave her permission to go home to God. She was called, given the choice. And she took the choice to die. She wanted to see the people in her life she had lost. Her mother, grandmother. She was calm and decided before I got there. Both of my siblings had spoken to her already. And when she asked, I thought I had more time. I was thinking another couple of months at least.

When I woke up the next morning, my sister called me early, six a.m. She told me Mom had some problems breathing overnight, Shannon had called an ambulance and when I arrived at the hospital in the morning, she was on a ventilator. Me, my family, my sister and her family were all there. All surrounding her bed.

She was surrounded by her family when the heart monitor flatlined and that terrible sound came from the monitor registering her passing. It was no more than an hour after I got there. The pastor had arrived shortly after and prayed for her.

I had called my brother. He was sprinting across the airport between flights to make it to her before she passed. He was just out of time. He didn’t make it. It was the most beautiful death I had ever witnessed.

My mother. I miss her terribly and I see her everywhere even now. I will always love her as she was the first woman in my life. Christmas has always been the most difficult for me. She loved this time of year.

Miss you Mom.

Just Chatting

While speaking to fellow blogger today I realized something. Our parents are more than likely responsible for some of us even us being here. It was not uncommon to find Playboy Magazine mixed in with the other subscriptions that arrived on a monthly basis. Sex was not something that was a secret in my house during my formative years and even though there was no internet access then, I had a heathy dose of sex at my fingertips when I was a young lad.

My parents were not quite the prudes either. It was not uncommon to find them smooching in the parlor or kissing in the kitchen when Dear old Dad was home for the weekend. He worked out of town all week. So in my house growing up, Mom had a nice dinner cooking and Saturdays were Bugs Bunny and John Wayne on the tube for sure.

John Wayne Inc.

Was it really a complete western flick if Maureen O’Hara or some other actress was not over the lap of the 6’4” actor getting the spanking of her life? I think not. She had her hide tanned by him in more than one of his films. So thanks Dad. Thanks for instilling this in me. WordPress has provided more than just an outlet for my fetish. It has provided a source of friendship in the other bloggers that use this an an outlet like me. You know who you are. There’s always room for another. Thanks a lot.

Slight Hiatus

Hello my lovelies,
I do apologize for the gap in postings. I have taken a slight hiatus from blogging and posting and concentrated on my family. I have recently lost some of my family and my children have been sick. It’s nothing serious, but with the wife out-of-town, I am Mom and Dad and with little time to blog as it is, it was plainly impossible and sleep too. So…I will get back to it asap, but for now, for those of you that are writers and like to make some money doing it, I have discovered a great website that profiles 101 of the best places to go for work. Get writing!! Maybe I should follow my own advice. HA! See you all on the flip side!

Michael