But You Don’t Look Sick: The Real Life Adventures of a Child Epileptic Into Adulthood

Epilepsy is a condition that affects nearly three million Americans. It is one of the most common neurological conditions that disrupt the normal connections between nerve cells in the brain. That disruption is referred to as a seizure. There is no age, race, or ethnic connection. Common causes of the condition are high fever, low or high blood sugar, and concussion.
I had my first seizure when I was seven years old. My memory of those early years, I humorously refer to as my unconscious years, are filled with clouded memories of doctors’ offices, waking up in emergency rooms, and waking up in nurse’s offices.
I had one physician. Dr. Martha Lusser, MD. She was the only pediatric neurologist I ever saw. She put me on Tegratol, Dilantin and Phenobarbital. This is the reason I feel many of the years as a child felt like a blur. They were like a slide through time. It wasn’t until I was a teen did I form and keep many memories of where I was and what was going on.
Dr. Lusser was one of the only pediatric neurologists in the Greater Allentown area in Pennsylvania at the time. She was very clinical. I remember her being very matter-of-fact, cut and dry. I also remember my mother going head to head with her on more than one occasion.
For years, at home, it was the same thing. “Michael, did you take your pills?” If I had a dime for every time my mother said that to me as a child, I would be able to retire a rich old man. My memory was very poor when I was young. Memory loss is a common side effect of the anti-seizure medications prescribed to me by Dr. Lusser. Some of the medications controlled seizures well. Some did nothing. Some made my head spin or knocked me out cold. One that worked well was carbamazepine. I take to this day. We explored the gamut of treatments of the time. “That is all you can do.” I was told. Manage the disorder with seizure control medications. Twice a day, every day.
Don’t forget, all the while, I was trying to fit in and navigate the tenuous terrain that most refer to as middle school. You know, the battleground where you try desperately to just to be cool, be liked. Try fitting in when everyone you associated with was afraid of you or thought you were a freak. They all saw me have a “fit”, I hated that term, at one point or another. I’d fall on the floor, walk into a hallway wall or simply not respond when addressed. Ya, I fit in. Not! I would wake up in the nurse’s office hours later and Dad would pick me up, take me home, and put me to bed. Those were the people that knew. My classmates. My mother made it very clear to the school and every teacher I had all through middle school. Some got it. Some didn’t. Some didn’t give a shit. “Allowances for one have to be made for them all.” Walter Valenta, a fifth-grade teacher who thought it would be a good idea to use corporal punishment when I “forgot” to do homework. Nine times out of ten, I had had a seizure, slept the rest of the day into the night before, and forgot I had homework at all. But these are not issues he had to worry about. Asshole!! Don’t get me wrong. I do not hold this against anyone I grew up with. Keep in mind, this was the 80’s. It wasn’t their deal. They didn’t get close enough to understand. Or care enough with maybe one exception.
To look at me then, I was a normal, adjusted child that was as geeky as the next boy. Some of my teachers even questioned there was anything wrong with me especially those that had me later in my school career when the professionals had it knocked. Eventually, the bloodwork, the EEGs, and the hospital visits paid off. I have been seizure-free for at least eighteen years now. I am in my forties now and as long as the medication is taken, the seizures are controlled.

Today Is My Birthday

Today is my 49th birthday and aside from work, I will be spending this evening with most of my children. I have two little ones but most of my children are grown and some starting their own life.

There comes a time in a man’s life when reflection is something that just happens. It’s nothing you look for or search out, you will be sitting there during your free time, and the thought will come to you. For me, the subject matter varies from pride in what you have done, the accomplishments you have achieved, or sometimes, regrets.

We all live through our experiences and either learn from them or not. I hope I can say I have learned from my mistakes and I have made plenty of them. But they love me anyway. They accept me for who I am and what I stand for. I think I can say the truth, honestly, integrity. Those are probably in the top five. I think my children can see those in me. Pride comes from what your family and friends see in you.

So, thank you ahead of time for your well wishes.


I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who take a moment of your day to read the material that comes from my head.

When I started this journey, WordPress was to be used solely for my enjoyment of writing and creativity. I never would have thought in a million years that someone else would want to read my stuff. But there is. Thank you.

A Naughty Little Sex Quiz # 18, NSFW

Thanks Miss D, Suculent Savage and Nora from http://www.ourmarriageanddomesticdiscipline.wordpress.com. This is one of the most erotically detailed surveys I have taken in my life. But I had to represent. All of the entries I saw were submissives. My dudes and dominant dudettes, wtf? Where are you all?

Anyway, this is an exercise is baring one’s soul a little, but I can hack it. Here’s a little about me my friends.

1: When did you lose your virginity?

I was 17. It wasn’t a great experience. It was with a girl my mother despised. She saw her as a threat. She wore the black skimpy clothes, had colored hair, wore a lot of poorly applied eye makeup. Totally not my type. It was in the playground of my elementary school. Not ideal. But there it is.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?
I really like both. It really depends on the mood and my wife’s mood.

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?
Have you read my blog? 😊 Yes. Anal, medical, some light incest stuff in porn. That’s it mostly. But my biggest fetish is spanking. I fantasize about it constantly. But, my partner is very reserved. Very once and done, very missionary mindset. And that’s ok. I like to throw in some doggy, a cross once on a while, even a lazy dog if we are tired, which is a lot of the time.

4: The weirdest place you’ve had sex?

I am not a sex in strange places type. I am much happier in my king.

5: Favorite sex position?
I like them all! But, I do like being on top…my wife’s nipple in my mouth, full penetration with my hands clutching her hair just going at it no holds barred. Grrrrr!!!

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?
I am in control in the bedroom.

7: Have you ever had any one-night stands?
Sure have! A few in high school and a few in college before I met my wife.

8: Sex on the bed, couch, or the floor?

I like the bed.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?
Sure. My first time was at my school.

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?
Yup, all the time. My dog is a pervert and likes to watch.

11: What does your favorite underwear look like?
I am a boxer guy.

12: How often do you have sex?
I have sex with myself when ever I get a chance. My sexy life is dependent upon a lot of factors. Are we tired? Are we home? Do we have kids in the house? Mostly on the weekends.

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?
The older my gorgeous blonde wife and I get the more desirable she becomes and the balder and fatter I become. She has lost 65 lbs this year and is absolutely gorgeous. I don’t want anyone but her.

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?
I love giving oral sex. She loves getting it. That’s about it.

15: The most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

Well other than the usual stuff like passing gas or slight mess, there really isn’t anything that stands out in my mind.

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?
Hard rock

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?
There are so many choices. I have a playlist for that.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?
Na, I have to be naked.

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

She and I bought a garden tub when we built the house. 😜

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?
My wife.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?
I had a chance in college but passed it up. Two or three women wanted me at the same time. I passed. Now I only want one.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I have a few. I bought her a set of trainer anal plugs. Wish me luck.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?
My wife is my best friend. Sure.

25: Is there anything you do after sex?
I usually get us some water and get cleaned up. Cuddle, watch some tv, then pass out.

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?
My wife and Spanking pictures, Spanking videos. Giving a spanking. I might like getting one but 🤷‍♂️ who knows? Spanking. Spanking. Spanking. Need I go on? I am a spanko 😊

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?
Late night is where opportunity lives.

28: Favorite body part of the opposite sex?

I am a butt man.

29: Favorite body part of the same sex?
When I was learning art in high school, I found male hands interesting. Just the mere strength. They are one of the best tools we have…I said one of the best tools, ladies. 🤣😂

30: Do you watch porn?

Uh, ya. Who doesn’t?

A Response To A Friend’s Post

When you say the word “different”, And when you express that it is new, What ever it is that is over, Your friends will see you through.

We do believe you mean them, We have read your words before, We know they say much less, We know you feel much more.

We are family through this medium, Some know you better than others. The girls, consider your sisters, The guys, we are your brothers.

That’s something we do not doubt, Your work will always be great. We see you going through pain, In time, you’ll get past this state.

Agreed, commitment can be scary, In surrender you bare your soul. Your friends and family will support you,

Healing must be you goal.

Teachers Need A Party

Photo by Oklahoma Watch

When the Covid 19 epidemic is over, we need to celebrate a profession and honor of all teachers who have done their unprecedented best to make learning a positive experience for all the poor children. Teaches have historically been underappreciated and I think in the face of this pandemic, that statement never has been more true.

Rachel Nania, a reporter for WTOP in Washington wrote a article two years ago about how kids have a five to eight time greater chance of experiencing clinical depression as a result of the normal stresses they deal with on the daily. If she thought they were stressed then, what would she think now?

Think about how hard going to school was for some of us. Not only are they dealing with the normal pressures of social stigmas, making the grade but they are doing it under the constant threat of a pandemic. It’s a wonder these kids are learning anything. Those are the kids who are in class. We hand our children over to teachers under these conditions and expect, no demand our children perform under these conditions. There are some schools not even in session in some states. Yes, many people are doing their hardest work they have ever done. I know they are. I am one of them. But I had to shed some light. We are not back to business as usual. Social distancing is impossible. They are short staffed and some, covering classes they have never taught before for other teachers that are out due to Covid. It’s a mess. But, my kids at least are learning in the direct face of this mess we call a pandemic. Good on ya, people. Teachers Rock. You at least look like you are having a good time while doing this. I know its hard.

Thank You.

We need to party like it’s 1999 when all of this is over.

I Have The Time

I wake my son up every morning for school. It has been established long ago I would take care of getting my son ready for school while my wife readies herself for work. No problem. I am the Dad, I can do this. I Have bring her her morning coffee every morning and on occasion, even prepare her lunch for her, because I Have The Time.


I work until 9pm many nights during the week. This means I am not home many a night to make sure my son is ready for the preceding day. Brushing his teeth, getting a shower, getting his uniform ready for the next day, these are the activities he needs reminding to do. So, I address it with him. I also address it with my wife as she is home and she, Has The Time.

She not only resists my requests like an impudent child, but resents my reminding her or making the request of her at all. I understand this as she has a hard head and this requisition implies she is slacking off, when she is slacking off. I know she knows what needs to be done. The events of the evening are burned into the back of her eyelids. She taught me how to be a decent parent. She has taught me most everything I know about raising children.

I am not talking down to her, using an out of the ordinary tone, not yelling. I am simply stating the boy needs a shower, and is at an age where if he is not told to take a shower will go a week without taking one. I have addressed this with him again.


So what do I do? I am the head of my household and as such if I see the need to remind my wife to do something, I should be able to do so. She has no problem reminding me to do things that need to be done. DoIv get upset? No. I actually appreciate the teamwork, that I might add benefits the kids. The communication, also appreciated by me. There are households that would require the wife to implicitly take care of these tasks. I share them with my wife, as I feel , she has had help in creating the children also should have help raising them.

But to get a look of resentment and pure disrespect? I don’t think I deserve that. God tells me to love my wife. Ephesians Chspter 5:25 Husbands, love your wives,(A) just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her(B)26 to make her holy,(C) cleansing[a] her by the washing(D) with water through the word,

I love her to the best of my ability. I am told God tells her to respect me.

Ephesians 5:22-33New International Version

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands(A) as you do to the Lord.(B) 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,(C) his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands(D) in everything.

Respect as head of household and as her husband. I think some refreshing is in order Sunday. But that’s just me. I think a lot more is in order but this is not the 1950s and spanking is not something we practice in this marriage.


So what have we learned in the now decades together. Compromise, communication and understanding are the keys to opening hearts and minds.

Not talking about it will only drive us to bury feelings, creating misunderstanding and promoting feelings of distrust and resentment. So who is going to be the adult and bring it up? Usually this is me. Why am I putting private moments out there like this? That’s what I do. I write about it. Are all views accurate to the best of my understanding? Absolutely. So what is the takeaway for anyone reading this? If you are married and want to stay married, compromise. Do not back down. There is a difference.

I ask myself what is the root of this? Why did she feel what she felt? Why did she feel talked down to when from my perspective was clearly not the intent? Was it the way I said it? The words used? Was it because she just happened to be sitting when I was standing when I said it and literally was being talked to from a lower position? To understand the human mind is fascinating. To understand the female mind is another thing all together. I don’t know if I will ever not be a student in that endeavor.

First Times

I have known you for years. In that time I have enjoyed every day, every experience and every time our souls collide. I feel guilty however, because I am also a little jealous.

Jealous of those firsts that were had and shared with someone else. Your first lots of things. Your first kiss, your first exhilaration doing something exciting, your first sexual experience, the first time you gave birth. These are things that didn’t involve me. And for that I am a little green eyed. His loss is my gain. But these are times that will never ever happen again in your lifetime.

Photo by Kidspot NZ

So about that, there is nothing I can do. What can I do? We can make our own firsts. We had our first time together. Our first childbirth. Our first child lost. First home. Our first new car purchased. This was the first time graduating college. First home. First time ever meeting Mickey Mouse. First grandson.

Photo by Southwest Journal

So even though I wasn’t your first love, I believe I was your best love and I still am.

A local writer and his prompts

The task was to write a poem, a segment or a paragraph that was about love.

This is it. This is what he is resigned to. He is left to live a life of pining for a woman that he is married to and has loved for twenty two years. All the time she wants nothing to do with him. He has not forgotten his promise to Him. He promised to “Love” her. This is all his God asked him to do. He has done it every day of those twenty two years without fail. This the first thing on his mind when he wakes and the last thing that crosses his mind before he closes his eyes.


Give Him The Shot!!

Credit to Kevin Jordan

Why? Why would you not take a simple injection that could stop the halt of a virus that to date has claimed more than four hundred thousand lives? For yourself and for the betterment of man itself, for Gods sake, take the shot! I can see making this choice for yourself, but to impose your distrust and simple misinformation on our own relative? Yes. You have medical power of attorney. Until now, that was not a problem. He is seventy eight years old. This disease that attacks the very system that lets you breathe will not discriminate. Those of high risk will not survive it. Please give him the ability to fight it off if and when restrictions come down and we are able to resume the life we remember. Just let him decide. If nothing else, give him the ability. Don’t let him be a simple statistic. Don’t let yourself feel the weight and responsibility of his death. Give him the shot!!