When Does the Caterpillar Become the Butterfly?

In reading other blogs, I read that torture can be a good thing or very bad depending on the mindset of both the inflictor and the afflicted. I chose this topic because I have had any personal experience but because there can be more types than just the physical type commonly known. So many of us deal with our own mental torture daily and just want to get through what some consider daily life while others consider the torture of the mind. The onslaught of the ideas that are forced upon us by the media, the contacts around us and by some who would be considered strangers to us.

Tortured thoughts and tortured memories of times when things seemed simpler. Things that happened and things that were said to us that molded us into the sometimes more cynical than we were before.

Tortured times when we thought as babes that believed we would never get through it. But did. And are somewhat better for it because when we can change the bad things that happen to us into a positive experience, one we learn from, this is what personal growth and development earns us. It gives us the power to take a “bad” experience and make us better for it. It lets us know this, this is what we need to do in those cases. And who to trust, what to do and how to act.

I wasn’t there. But I can know through somewhat similar experiences what was attempting to be changed and what was said in the grips of the most important time in someone else’s life. Make it your own. Take from that experience and instead of torture, it is the best that could have happened. The student sometimes becomes the teacher. In other cases, for some, that transformation never comes. The experiences and the tortured times in ones life that are transformative..It begs the question..Where is the transformation? When does the caterpillar become the butterfly? Only you can know that.

Timothy McEntee

As a group or as individuals, what we think and as a result what we do make us who we are. Will Ashli Babbitt, 35 be remembered as a patriot or a simple girl used as a pawn in a political riot and a siege of the Capital Building Wednesday. “She had a big head and a strong mind.” Tim McEntee She was a veteran who defended this country against foreign actors in Afghanistan. God bless her family. This was her way of speaking out. Of doing what she thought was right! Could that have been any of us? But how will history paint her picture? I wonder if this patriot [ Babbitt] will be seen as a patriot or a traitor as some are painting Vice President Pence and President Trump. I will not offer an opinion. Not because I will not stand on one side or another but because I believe this country and our democracy is worth defending. And to write disparaging remarks, even if true in some cases, would not be defending the constitution. I was not honored by serving like Babbitt did. I would have if called. I never was. We will have to watch how the annals of history record this event. It is a story we will remember. One we will pass onto our grandchildren. And for some, were involved in. I have already praised those who we defending our great nation, it’s traditions and the votes those on the outside were trying to change?? I ask. What was the ultimate goal of those actors. When Vice President Pence took office, he promised to defend the constitution of the United States and by confirming the vote, he did his duty.

Oliver Contreras The Washington Post

Thank you again to those that did their duty for me, a voter. Thank you for trying to defend the great halls in Washington and to those that thought to grab the box containing the votes from the college, I thank you as well.

2021 Coup Attempt

I acknowledge, honor and respect every American citizens right to voice their opinion. This is a right guaranteed by the constitution of the United States of America. That being said, there are limits to both the written and spoken words. Using either to incite violence not only is wrong, but criminal in nature. Doing so has repercussions which we saw last night including loss of life. Were the inciters acting in a righteous coarse, probably.

But when the righteous act in accordance with their beliefs and cause damage to the constitutional progress, this turns the righteous actor into an actor against the state for which they believe they are acting for.


And for the two or more leaders of the coup attempt, shame onto you as you are the worst of all inciting damage upon our national agenda. It doesn’t matter whose name is on the ballet. It didn’t matter in 2016 and it doesn’t matter now. What does matter is that we stand for something larger than ourselves and to Donald J Trump, stand down. For the actions of the senate of the United States of America has and always will stand for freedom.

Getty Images/ Tasos Katopodis

I am honored to call myself an American. And to the men and women who were actors in defending the constitutional progress against the criminal actors last night, I salute you all. Thank you.

The Doctor

My wife of two weeks needed to see a doctor about some persistent intestinal discomfort. So I made an appointment and took her. She did not have a doctor in the area so I suggested she see Dr. Meredith Lu, our family physician. She asked I go with her since my wife had never been to see her before.

We arrived on time and signed in.

Melissas name was called and she got up to go. She took three steps, stopped and turned around. She made a “common” motion with her hand and mouthed the word. “Why?” I asked. “I don’t know this lady, you do. I want you with me.” she said. “OK, if that’s what you want.” I responded. We followed the nurse to the examination room, she hopped up on the table and I sat in the chair in front of her. The nurse asked her to undress and put on a gown. Which she did.

Dr Lu came in. After greetings, pleasant small talk and introductions to me and my new wife, she turned her attentions to Melissa. She did a full exam. She asked all kinds of questions about diet, habits, time spent outdoors, everything.

“How are your bowel habits Mrs. Martin?” Melissa became embarrassed. She looked right at me and then to the doctor.”Fine” she said sheepishly. “Would you like Mr. Martin to step outside while we complete the rest of your examination?” Lu asked in respect to my wife. “No, I don’t mind.” Melissa said. Lu grabbed a stethoscope and listened to her stomach. She began palpitating her abdomen. Going all of the regions. Feeling very carefully. I always liked how Dr. Lu took special care and time she probably didn’t have and dedicated it to you. In this case I thought it a little excessive for a stomach ache but I suppose she was just being thorough with her. When she was done with the percussion and auscultation of the abdomen, she pulled out the obstetrical stirrups and gave Melissa another chance to let me tour the waiting room. Again she declined. “Doc, this man has seen every inch of me. We just got married.” Melissa exclaimed. Lu completed the very thorough pelvic exam and asked her to turn over onto her left side. Which now positioned her facing me. I couldn’t see what the doctor was doing but she was telling Melissa what she was doing before he did it. I could see her face. She was uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of me. The doctor obviously moving onto the rectal exam. I reached for her hand to reassure her. With my eyes I told her it would be alright. After Lu was done, she tapped Melissas ass and told her to get dressed while handing her a box of tissue to clean up a little.

“I suspect you have a mild stomach bug. Drink lots of fluids and stay by the house.” Lu said. I looked at Dr . Lu and thanked her for her time and expertise.

With that she got dressed and we left. I picked up some fluids on the way home. That was the last time she invited me into her exam. Which I am glad for. There needs to be some secrets in a marriage.

The Body Betrays the Mind

As I approached from behind,

She tensed knowing I would wrap my arms,

Breathing in my smell and feeling the safety and security my enveloping arms provide her.

She closed her eyes and I heard her inhale

Her heart quickened and her pulse pounded

As the moisture in her femilinity increased.

This all happened in a second as I, and only I can do this to her.

She loves me, wants me, desires me.

Her body betrays the secrets her tongue does not convey.

This Is Only The Beginning

Cameron, a newlywed husband to Nora was on his way back home from a business trip when his phone rang. His phone was connected to the blue tooth in his 2020 BMW. He hit the answer phone button on his steering wheel. He was expecting a phone call from Nora, as he playfully called her.

“Hello my Love”, Cameron said to her in the soft and melodic tone his voice normally carried. “Hi, how are you?” Nora said. While smalltalk was fine for the drive home, only fifteen minutes away or so, it was wierd. Nora normally forwent the mondane talk of the day and the events that happened.

Our conversations usually held substance. When there wasn’t anything of importance, we played. We played with a teen age intercoarse.

There was a fluid movement to it I enjoyed. We knew each other, really knew…each other. So when one of us was not up for the normal banter, one of us would start…

“I did a really bad thing today, Cameron.”

Her beginning the game focused my attention immediately as it always does. “Really?” “What did you do?” “Tell me, Nora.” And she would choose some normal event of the day and change it into a sorid line from a Jane Ausin novel.

This time it was something to do with not cleaning the bathroom well enough today. I told her to go back into the bathroom and clean it again from top to bottom. While creating the banter and the back and forth motion in our conversation, I came up with this. “And Nora, use your toothbrush to clean it with.” Total silence on the other end of the line. “Nora?Did you hear me?” A moment of silence and the Nora’s response came with a reluctance in her voice. “Yes Sir.” she said.

I quickly came back at her with, “Then, when I get home, I will inspect it and if it is not cleaned well enough, punishments will ensue.”

“Oh really?” she echoed. I knew she was playing with the words I said to her, which from her standpoint was a dangerous move. I pointed that out to her as I pointed out her attiude needed some serious reformation. She was still in the equal state of mind, not yet taking on the submissive perspective..until.

Knowing her the way I do and her past, all I have to do is talk to her like I was her father and she immediately takes the submissive pose in her mind. It is as if she falls to the floor on her knees with her head down and palms up in her head. She is immediately the submissive when I assume the fatherly role . She knows I like to do this and it is all part of the game. This time, I said she had better clean up the bathroom by the time I got home, or I am going to have to spank my “little girl?”

She became quite, subdued. She lost the bravado and attitude she had just seconds before. I almost regret it when I do it to her. It’s an immediate mental binding she can not get free from for hours and I can do just about anything I what during that time. It sounds like I take full advantage, but believe you me, she enjoys every minute of it. “No, Sir”. This came from her with speed and intense angst.

I pulled the car into the driveway and I could see a flurry of activity through the front bay window. I chuckled to myself and I pulled the car into the garage. I gathered my briefcase and lunchbox up and entered the house through the garage entrance. When I came through the house, “Honey?”

She didnt answer and I was intrigued. Our game was over. Surely she wasn’t still playing, or was she? When I walked to the back of the house where our bedroom and adjacent bathrooms were, I was suprised to see her on the floor in the actual submissive pose.

The bathroom was immaculate. I could have eaten off the floor. I din’t know what to say. She was seated on the floor, naked except for a collar beautifully seated around her neck. Nora had never done this before. I had always wished she would but never had the balls to ask her. We did not venture into the BDSM world as both of our schedules are a little hectic. I presumed she was still in the role, so I played along. I slowly traversed the master bath next to her and motioned to her to get up.

I put my hand down near my side, in front of her face and made the come hither motion with my hand. She was looking for permission, for approval and I had just given it to her.

To be continued…..

A New Direction

So, I have started writing again. This is the good news. I am reluctant and excited to reveal where I am going with it. While there are plenty of writers that have taken this coarse, I believe it is the right thing to do as for the last eight years, I have not been very excited about my writing at all. I have decided to take an adult content route playing with spanking.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It has always been an interest and for those of you that have written adult content, I am sure you understand. For those of you who have not, I would love to have a cup of coffee with you and explain my journey these last few years. I read many different genres and I arrived at this recently.

Short stories are the bulk of what I am recently doing. I can’t see a novel about spanking and we won’t discuss other works here. If you would like, we can discuss privately. Email me. We will see where this goes.

Are we what we do?

We all introduce ourselves to new people every day. Think about it. What are some of the first few questions you ask someone you barely know? Marital status, family makeup, and occupation are all up there. So how much of who we are is tied up with what we do?

I am a father, a husband, a son, a writer and then maybe I work for a major home improvement chain. But this is just me. I make a modest income, the kids aren’t going to Disney every year and the wife isn’t flying home as often as she needs to. So there are definite opportunities there.

When I introduce myself, the conversation, unless speaking with someone in the same field, is centered around my family. That is how I identify myself in my own mind. Is that the case for everyone with kids? What about those with no children? How do they identify themselves? It must be more centered on their profession, hobbies or what ever their passion would be. What is your passion?

In U.S., 55% of Workers Get Sense of Identity From Their Job

Seven in 10 college graduates get a sense of identity from their job

I used to think in addition to my occupation, I was an aspiring writer. Thinking it and saying it once or twice added a measure of intrigue that I liked more and more as I got older. Anyone?
Michael  Jordan

I do this all the time!!!

Someone catches my eye and my interest is peaked. But how do you introduce yourself and the idea about how you are a writer and you’d like to talk to them because  they could end up in a piece you are currently writing?

I mean, how does that go? Hey, I’m Mike. I am a writer and you look just like a character I am about to kill off..can we chat?

This is why writers write about the people they know and change their names.


Before 2019, I spoke about the disease as an almost mythical beast. Cancer happens to other people. It will not effect me except maybe someone that I love contracting the disease.

I watched my mother battle with it in her way. She used only homeopathic and holistic medicine in her last bout with the big C. Aromatherapy, message therapy, special diets full of natural fruits and vegetables, you name it, she had tried it. Some of it helped to halt the diseases’ progression for a short time. After Mom’s third battle, she surrendered. She said it was to hard and too expensive. TOO EXPENSIVE!!!! Really??? It shouldn’t cost anything. When presented with this idea following her third surgery, while I understood the reasons behind her decision, I was fearful this would shorten her life. Three months later, she died.

She called me into her bedroom one Friday night. She asked me for permission to go. I told her if it was her time, it was her time. I thought maybe another three months. Nope. Two days and I was visiting her in a hospital and by that Tuesday, we were attending her memorial service.

I decided in 2016 if this ever effected my wife, which is what I expected due to family history, I would encourage her to use what modern medicine had to battle the disease.  In June of this tear I went to the doctor due to a mass that was small and hard attached to my left testicle. I t was cancer. My Urologist was aggressive and recommended surgery to remove the mass and the testicle. I agreed and now my numbers are lower than when I first presented with the disease and they continue to fall.

I took out insurance specifically to cover the costs associated with fighting this disease. I wanted the option, for my wife firstly. I was  not going to let cancer or fate determine the coarse of my action based on cost alone. The bills are paid and I am cancer free. Praise him.

 One year later

I am cancer free. Praise him.


Leadership and the Crap That Comes With It

Hello fellow writers and bloggers alike. Recently I have been promoted to a higher position with my current employer of almost fourteen years. The role and responsibility of leadership is not foreign to me. I fact, I am returning to my current position after a rather lengthy hiatus. I remember the fast pace of business and the role of pleasing the customer. I understand all of this and have no problem “falling in”. My thoughts are not of myself but of my team. They are, shall we say, of the elevated age bracket and feel they are pressured to do what I have already done. It seems leadership in the department is not something they are accustomed to and to ask them to do something or give any direction at all is almost like an affront to them. What????

Maybe there are some CEO’s or leadership authors out there that have some experience with this. I understand change and the pressures that come with it. I understand they may not be accustomed to being held accountable. I also understand the personal feelings associated with receiving a new boss and new direction. The degree that this is getting to is simply out of the realm of normalcy, in  my opinion.

I spoke to my counterpart yesterday. Her opinion is different from mine. She leans more to cow towing, adjusting to physical limitations and ultimately doing it myself. I disagree. Yes, there has been curtailing of responsibilities to physical limitations to this point. However, when a list is made for the “department”, and no one takes the lead on it, changes had to be made. Now the responsibilities are the same across the board no matter physical limitations or not. Look, this is a store. It has stuff, and ultimately, our job is to move the stuff to the customer. If physical limitations don’t permit you to “move the stuff”, maybe a job change should be a consideration. Am I being to callous in my views or is my this is the way it is position a wrong position to take? Ultimately, there is nothing I can do to change it anyway. The stuff comes off the truck and we have to move the stuff to the customer. I don’t know, thoughts?